A Christmas Baby for the Cowboy Read online

  No one other than Sharee knew that he’d immediately contacted her as soon as he’d heard, had attempted to accept his responsibility to his baby. He had offered his support and expressed his desire to be a true father to his child, only to be shot down by a woman who had no interest in him other than how she could use him to reach for her own celebrity status.

  He’d tried everything he could think of. What more was there for him to do?

  It was just another one of his failings, and one of his deepest regrets.

  Alyssa waited until Martin was gone before she spoke.

  “I’ve never been one to believe in rumors,” she stated firmly. “I know how quickly things can get bent out of shape. Things are rarely as they seem.”

  Cash cringed so hard his muscles ached, and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead.

  What was she going to do when she realized the rumors were true? Most of them, anyway. But the very worst was one that had never been spoken of at all—something he’d kept hidden from everyone. A secret that he’d have to conceal in the dark of his soul for the rest of his life.

  That he was guilty of causing Aaron’s death.

  Alyssa’s voice pulled him back to the present.

  “I’d rather hear the truth directly from you, if you don’t mind. I want you to tell me why you’re here, and why you think your rodeo career tanked in the first place.”

  A spark of hope struck in his heart. She wanted to hear his side of the story. But that wouldn’t matter. He quickly doused the flame.

  “Why? What difference is it going to make what I have to say? What will make you believe me? Are you going to keep me on if I give you the answers you want to hear?”

  “No. Yes.” She paused and shrugged, rubbing her forehead thoughtfully. “Maybe.”

  He extended his other leg and stretched. This was going to take a while.

  “Let me ask you something first,” he said.

  “Okay,” she answered. She sounded hesitant, but she met his gaze head-on.

  “One thing doesn’t make sense to me. Why did you bid on me when you knew going into it what you were going to get?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  A broken cowboy.

  “My baggage. Even without a photographer following me around, I’m loaded with problems. As you said, you’ve heard the rumors. You know what I am. You realize people are going to judge you, too, just for associating with me.”

  “I’m not worried about that,” she said, although her face drained of color. “I know who I am, and that’s all that matters.”

  “You haven’t answered my question,” he reminded her.

  She sighed.

  “I bid on you partially because you are—were—Aaron’s best friend,” she admitted. “I kept thinking about how he would feel if he saw you floundering up there, and I felt I owed it to his memory to rescue you.”

  She might as well have slapped him across the face, because that’s how her words felt. That she would rescue him in Aaron’s memory, after he—

  No. He wouldn’t go there.

  He couldn’t.

  He wasn’t going to think about it, much less talk about it. Not if he didn’t want to end up on a bar stool, ordering a bottle of whiskey, which was the inevitable conclusion if he let his mind wander back to that night.

  Instead, he lightened the mood and attempted to tease her, though he wasn’t fully successful in his effort.

  “Wow, thanks,” he muttered sardonically. “And here I thought you picked me because I’m good-looking.”

  She snorted. “Inflate your own ego much?”

  He tipped one edge of his mouth up in a half smile. “Hey, I’m just calling it as I see it. Remember, every morning I have to look at my reflection in the mirror.”

  The truth was, he hated what he saw when he looked in the mirror these days—blotchy skin, sunken eyes. The polar opposite of the good-looking youth he’d once been. Everyone else who laid eyes on him saw the same thing.

  She apparently noticed the shift in his mood, because her lips turned to a frown.

  “This isn’t just about Aaron,” she hastened to explain. “Yes, that was part of the reason I bid on you, but besides that, you really are the best fit for what I need done.”

  “How is that?” He couldn’t imagine she believed he was good for anything.

  “I’m doing some fairly major renovations with the store. I have to have everything done before the Christmas season starts this year because I’ve signed an exclusive contract with Kickfire to sell their products. Another pair of willing hands would be much appreciated.”

  “I’d be happy to help,” he said, and meant it. “But if you don’t mind my asking, what happened to Eddie? And your father? Aren’t they helping in the shop?”

  Her gaze dropped and her cheeks pinkened. “Eddie decided wrangling is more fun than adding up accounts at the end of the day. And my father—” She choked on the word and shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. All you need to know is that I’m running the store myself for the time being.”

  He blew out a low whistle. “That’s a lot to carry around on your shoulders.”

  “Mmm,” she answered, but he couldn’t tell whether she was agreeing with him or not. “I didn’t anticipate having you around for more than a week at most, but a longer stay might not be all bad.”

  “Gee, thanks,” he muttered, but he narrowed his eyes in concern when Alyssa’s shoulders slumped.

  “If I’m honest, I have to admit I’m bone tired from working six days a week with rare breaks.”

  She ran a hand down her face. Cash followed the movement with his eyes and for the first time noticed the tiny lines of strain in her expression.

  “Back when you were in high school, you were employed part-time here at the store,” she continued. “I suspect it won’t take you very long to remember how we do things. Not much has changed since you’ve been here last. You already know how to set modules, restock, receive freight and keep the storage room in order, so I won’t even have to teach you, will I? Or do you need a refresher?”

  “I haven’t forgotten,” he assured her. “Working at Emerson’s with Aaron is one of my best memories from high school. Your dad was good to me when I probably didn’t deserve it. I wouldn’t mind saying hello.”

  Her face suddenly blanched a pasty white and it looked as if she was choking on her breath, just as it had a moment ago when she’d mentioned her father.

  Instinctively, he reached for her arm.

  “Are you okay? What? What did I say?”

  “Dad is ill,” she said gravely. “That’s part of the reason I’m running the store virtually on my own.”

  A tremor ran through her and Cash brushed his hand across her shoulder, comforting her as best he could, despite feeling awkward and powerless to do more for her.

  “What’s wrong with him?” he asked, his voice dropping lower than usual.

  “I don’t know if you heard anything about what happened to my family after Aaron died. It really affected my parents’ relationship. The long and short of it is my mom evidently couldn’t handle the pressure. She left town—and Dad.”

  Her voice cracked. “She left all of us. And she never looked back.”

  He sucked in a surprised breath between his teeth.

  He hadn’t known. Hadn’t heard a word about it.

  Having her mom abandon her? That couldn’t have been an easy thing for Lizzie—Alyssa, he reminded himself—to go through, especially just after Aaron’s death. Her mother. It didn’t matter that Alyssa was an adult now. He couldn’t even imagine what that felt like.

  His stomach roiled. So much could happen in a mere six months. No time at all, and yet it felt like an eternity had passed.

  A wave of guilt washed over him. Like the ripple created
when he tossed a rock into clear water, his actions had caused so much turmoil. Cash was only now beginning to realize how much that one act—the proverbial rock he’d thrown into the water—had affected not only his life, but others’, too.

  Aaron had died. He had inadvertently hurt Alyssa—and her father. And no doubt Eddie, as well. The circle just seemed to keep growing.

  This—all of this—was his fault.

  “Dad hasn’t recovered from Mom abandoning him,” she whispered raggedly, continuing the story.

  She cleared her throat. Her chocolate-brown eyes were glassy, but no tears fell.

  “Like all of us, he’d depended on Mom for practically everything. She didn’t just run the household. She supported everyone with her internal strength.”

  Alyssa sighed wearily. “Dad can’t get along without her. I didn’t know it at the time, but he recently admitted to me that he barely ate anything the first few weeks after Mom was gone. He lost a lot of weight, and it was only then that Eddie and I started noticing the changes in him. He can’t sleep without a sedative. His health has taken a major nosedive and he’s only a shell of the man he used to be.”

  “I’m so sorry. To lose your mom that way...”

  Twin clefts appeared between her eyes. “We didn’t lose her. She isn’t gone. She walked away. And she didn’t look back. I don’t even know if she considered how her actions would affect the family. She selfishly thought only of herself. Aaron’s death might have been the last straw for her, but I suspect the situation went much further back than that.”

  “I’m so sorry,” he repeated, not knowing what else he could say. No words could possibly act as a salve on Alyssa’s heart. Cash of all people knew that.

  Alyssa was in an even worse predicament than Cash had originally imagined. It was more important than ever that she agreed to accept his help. If Aaron hadn’t died, her mother might not have left. Eddie might still be working in the store alongside Alyssa and their father. Cash had to try to make right the misery he’d caused, not that he would ever be able to do that.

  “I’m surprised Eddie didn’t stick around to help you,” he said.

  She scoffed. “I wish. Eddie spent last summer wrangling at a local ranch and decided that was what he wanted to do with his life, rather than running our family business as Dad had always intended. I’m happy for him, but—”

  “But that leaves you high and dry.”

  She nodded. “Exactly.”

  “Which means you really do need my help.”

  She looked uncertain. He slid his hand down her arm and reached for her hand. Her gaze dropped to where their fingers met but she didn’t remove her hand.

  “You could have bid on anyone, but you bid on me. Let me help you.”

  “I want to,” she said hesitantly. “But what about the photographer? The publicity? You must realize I don’t have room in my life for extra hassles right now, however small.”

  A lightbulb went off in Cash’s mind.

  “Maybe that’s precisely what you need.”

  She lifted her gaze to his and raised a brow. “Excuse me?”

  “Publicity. Free promotion for your store. Pete’s photos can do as much good for Emerson’s as they can for my career. Surely that would be a boon to you, getting your face in front of the masses, so to speak. Let them know about the changes you’re making.”

  Her face went from white to flaming red in a single breath of air.

  “Not in this lifetime.”

  “What? Free publicity?”

  “No. My face in front of people. That’s not something I want to do.”

  “I think it’s a great idea,” he pressed, as the notion formed into solid concept. “You know all of those car salesmen and ambulance-chasing lawyers on television? They get their clients by using themselves to sell their products and services.”

  “I’m pretty sure everyone in Serendipity already knows I run Emerson’s Hardware.”

  “Maybe so, but isn’t part of the reason you’re doing the renovation to bring in customers from surrounding towns? To be the go-to store for Kickfire Western wear products?”

  “True,” she admitted.

  “It’s solid marketing. Giving your store a face is a great way to personalize it,” he said, “and draw in customers. That’s the reason sponsors use me in their commercials. To give their products a face.”

  “Yes, but—”

  He could see he wasn’t convincing her. She didn’t appear shy or introverted, but it had been a long time since they’d interacted on a personal basis. Maybe he was pushing her out of her comfort zone.

  Whereas Cash—well, he loved the limelight.

  “No, wait. I’ve got a better idea. I can do it,” he crowed as the lightbulb in his head beamed brighter than the sun.

  For the first time since Aaron’s death, he felt excited about an idea, allowing it to break through the black cloud of his meager existence. He embraced the feeling. He wanted to do something other than nurse a tumbler of whiskey to numb his pain.

  “Look. I’m trying my best to repair my reputation. If I clean up my act and become a positive influence—and wear Kickfire products—I can be your spokesperson. It’ll help you gain more leverage with the store, and it will help me find new sponsors, once they see what a difference I’ve made for you and Kickfire.”

  “Maybe,” she hedged.

  He squeezed her hand. “It’s the perfect plan. I help you, you help me.”

  He had every intention of helping her with far more than just offering his face for the camera and his public persona for the store. He aimed to receive inventory, move displays around, stock shelves and sweep the floors.

  But she didn’t have to know he’d be looking for extra ways to make her life easier.

  This was the perfect way to redeem himself. He had developed his own set of moral principles to help him stay on the straight and narrow and he intended to follow those values to the letter.

  Not that he ever could.

  Not with the burden he carried.

  He made a silent promise to himself. By the time he left Serendipity and went back to the rodeo, Alyssa would trust him.

  If he couldn’t win her over, there was no hope that the rest of the world would embrace him. Until he proved himself with her, he wasn’t ready to go back to his old life.

  “I can see what you’re saying about my marketing plan,” she acknowledged. “But before we go any further, there’s one other issue, and I need you to tell me the truth.”

  His heart beat so hard he thought it might leap out of his chest.

  “What do you want to know?” he finally asked, his voice raspy with emotions.

  She stared at him for a long moment before speaking.

  “How many of the rumors I’ve heard about you are true?”

  * * *

  Alyssa believed asking Cash about his recent past was reasonable, especially if she took him up on his offer to become the face of Emerson’s Hardware. She couldn’t have surprises lurking under every stone, revelations that could potentially harm the good name of Emerson’s Hardware.

  She hated to admit it, but what he’d said about her publicity strategy—or lack of one—made sense, even for as small a town as Serendipity. She intended to target several surrounding towns. As Cash had mentioned, people would come in from out of town once they heard she was selling Kickfire products. She’d recently created a website for the store so folks in the tri-county region and beyond could peruse weekly specials and feel compelled to visit her store. She was even looking into the prospect of shipping products directly to consumers.

  That would majorly change the focus of her little shop and held the possibility of creating a substantial second stream of income. Her biggest concern was that once Cash fulfilled his obligation, she would once again be working the s
tore alone. No matter how desperately Emerson’s needed a boost in income, she didn’t want to bite off more than she’d be able to chew.

  At this point she wasn’t planning to ship beyond the local area, but who knew what the future held?

  One thing was certain—having a handsome cowboy hawking the goods—one who’d successfully sponsored other products in the past—would be a definite plus, especially for the Western wear.

  But only if she could trust him.

  And that was a big if right now.

  If Cash was willing to lay it all out on the line and tell her the truth, and if he truly intended to strive to make up for his wrongdoings, she might be able to overlook the predicaments that got him into trouble in the first place.

  Even if she had to put up with Martin’s annoying interference and his own ideas for what a publicity campaign should entail, not to mention Pete’s camera flashing.

  Everyone deserved a second chance, didn’t they? Even a man like Cash, who’d fallen from grace in the rodeo world and was now struggling just to survive.

  Maybe especially a man like Cash.

  But only if he came clean now—literally and figuratively.

  She waited, her breath catching in her lungs as Cash gathered his thoughts. He dropped his gaze and stared at the picnic blanket.

  Was he going to explain what had really happened to him, or was he preparing to put on that false cowboy charm of his and try to find a way to gloss it over?

  She suspected he was wearing a mask, and it was up to him to remove it and let Alyssa see what he looked like underneath the facade.

  “Yeah. Okay.” He paused and pursed his lips. “You deserve the truth if we’re going to work together.”

  She nodded, encouraging him to continue.

  “I don’t know what you’ve heard. Why don’t you tell me, and then I’ll tell you how it really went down?”

  “The drinking,” she prompted, saying the first thing that came to mind. She might as well give it to him straight and hope he did the same with her.